Mommie

Yesterday I began going through my memories of Mom.
She died last May. It seems like the time since she got
sick and died has just flown by.

No details on that this time, at another time, yes.
For now, I remember her and think about the past.

I have been doing that a lot lately. I have been going through
the clutter that is my house. Making many improvements, getting
rid of a lot of jumble I thought I needed at one time or another.

Now when I shop, I look and really think before I buy. I had
several years of "collecting". Now I want to let go and cleanse.

Clean my house, clean my mind, clean my Memories.

For you see, for some reason my memories had become slanted,
clouded and foggy. I came through a time of pain and confusion.
I guess I was depressed.

That is the thing about depression. I knew I had it,
I knew I needed to get rid of it, but for a while
I could not let it go. It was a process that for some
reason, I needed to feel.

Mostly, it was a time of change for me. Yes, "THE CHANGE".
The death of my Child rearing years. They are "reared".

Not to say that I won't be here for them, I always will.
Just that my responsibility for their well being has been
shifted to their own shoulders now. That is a good thing.

Now for the connection of this rambling with my Mother.
I found some papers that I brought home from Dad's place
the last time I stayed with him right after Mommie died.

I am just now finding the courage to go through them and
read and enjoy, and yes cry while reading them. For not
only are they her story, they are mine too.

They hold my memories as well as hers. She tells of the
hard times she and Dad went through. The money woes.
What they did to survive. How they learned to find the
lemonade in the lemons they continued to be handed.

Things and times I had forgotten. Or they shielded us
children from. We never "felt" poor. Oh, sure, there
were times I wanted things I could not have...but aren't
there times like that for every person?

All in all, I thank my Mommie for the many joys she gave
me that she probably really never thought of as joys.

I hope there is a way she knows how much I love her and
miss her.

Now I am reading her writings. I have begun to try to write
some of my feelings down for future generations. I do not
write to leave a legacy, Mom didn't either. I write because
I NEED to express my thoughts.

She did too.

Now I am in charge of seeing that what she wrote is not
forgotten in a folder in a file cabinet somewhere.

This I plan to do....for I need to.

Have a good day....I have.

HUGS

Katie