Nostalgia

I am going to tackle some more sorting of "stuff" today.

After going through the things I have the past few weeks,
I am realizing how things felt important at one time in
Life can become "mind boggling" later on.

What I mean is that things that seemed so important to
remember and save a few years ago have little or no
meaning now.

Some things I am glad to remember and that is good.
Others I would have rather they stayed gone...you know?

Everything I go through seems to have a connection to Mom.
Not that that is a bad thing, it isn't. It just is.

Moving on in MY Life requires this cleansing and trashing
of all that clutter in box after box.

Some will go to the charities to let others realize the
potential they hold. The rest will be thrown in the Garbage.

I feel so powerful doing this job. It is the first time in
a long time I feel in FULL control of what happens next.

There have been books I have read that told me this was true.
I never believed it till I began the process.

Making the decision not to hold back this time was enthralling
in that I really FEEL the weight lifting in both my
changing my eating patterns and in the clutter going
out the door.

Making a new start is wonderful after so long of being
stuck in a rut.

Hope this helps someone else too.

Loving Mommie and Daddy will never change. What will is
that from now on my thoughts will be my own, and no worry
about what anyone else thinks. I put that on myself. I am
the only one who can remove it.

That is something I realize. The bonds that hold me are only
the ones I control. I no longer can blame anyone else for
my wellbeing. There were times I had to do that to survive.

Now I let that phase of my Life go away as I feel the
power and strength to take my own Destiny in MY OWN HANDS.


Wahoo, it feels so good!

Hope your day is good, mine is going great even with the
weather being dreary.

Happy Sunday!

Hugs

Katie

Thoughts of Mom

This blog section will be where I come when I think of Mom.
That should fill volumes, for I think of her so very often.

We had a good relationship. Now that she is gone, I have
the same regrets of many. I regret not calling her as often
as I thought of her. I regret the time lost between us as
I was raising my own children and not conversing very well
with Mom. I regret that I took her advice as criticisim way
too often. I regret that we were not as close as we should
have been. The biggest regret is that she never got to
meet her Great Grandson Tyler Allen.

One thing I do not regret is the time I spent with her
during her last days. We did not know they were her
last days, we truly thought she would come through this
illness like she had so many others.

I spent time with her, holding her hand, touching her hair.
Talking about her Grand children and my new grandson.

Seeing her tease the Nurses no end, and the Doctors.
Watching her keep her sense of humor when it was all
that truly remained of my mother. She told us all a joke
just before she started to leave us. "What you all looking
so Glum about?" were her last words to us. Of course we
laughed and she had her result.

I suppose wherever she is now, she is still the Comedian.
Can't you see, Mom? You play to a Full House now!


Hugs
Katie

Mommie

Yesterday I began going through my memories of Mom.
She died last May. It seems like the time since she got
sick and died has just flown by.

No details on that this time, at another time, yes.
For now, I remember her and think about the past.

I have been doing that a lot lately. I have been going through
the clutter that is my house. Making many improvements, getting
rid of a lot of jumble I thought I needed at one time or another.

Now when I shop, I look and really think before I buy. I had
several years of "collecting". Now I want to let go and cleanse.

Clean my house, clean my mind, clean my Memories.

For you see, for some reason my memories had become slanted,
clouded and foggy. I came through a time of pain and confusion.
I guess I was depressed.

That is the thing about depression. I knew I had it,
I knew I needed to get rid of it, but for a while
I could not let it go. It was a process that for some
reason, I needed to feel.

Mostly, it was a time of change for me. Yes, "THE CHANGE".
The death of my Child rearing years. They are "reared".

Not to say that I won't be here for them, I always will.
Just that my responsibility for their well being has been
shifted to their own shoulders now. That is a good thing.

Now for the connection of this rambling with my Mother.
I found some papers that I brought home from Dad's place
the last time I stayed with him right after Mommie died.

I am just now finding the courage to go through them and
read and enjoy, and yes cry while reading them. For not
only are they her story, they are mine too.

They hold my memories as well as hers. She tells of the
hard times she and Dad went through. The money woes.
What they did to survive. How they learned to find the
lemonade in the lemons they continued to be handed.

Things and times I had forgotten. Or they shielded us
children from. We never "felt" poor. Oh, sure, there
were times I wanted things I could not have...but aren't
there times like that for every person?

All in all, I thank my Mommie for the many joys she gave
me that she probably really never thought of as joys.

I hope there is a way she knows how much I love her and
miss her.

Now I am reading her writings. I have begun to try to write
some of my feelings down for future generations. I do not
write to leave a legacy, Mom didn't either. I write because
I NEED to express my thoughts.

She did too.

Now I am in charge of seeing that what she wrote is not
forgotten in a folder in a file cabinet somewhere.

This I plan to do....for I need to.

Have a good day....I have.

HUGS

Katie